One of the major driving pillars of culture within an organisation is the way in which we deliver feedback. However; people are quite terrible at providing feedback and in young organisations this can turn into a form of ritualistic hazing.

If most drivers believe that they're better than the average driver, then we can be sure that people assume their feedback is better than the average feedback.

It is not only important that we work on how we provide feedback but equally important to work on how we receive it.

Ease-in

Positive things should be noticed, starting on a positive note clears the ground for a more constructive conversation than coming out the gate with criticism.

Compliment sandwiches don't work, if you're delivering critical feedback surrounding it with fluff is one way to fog up the message you're trying to get across.

If you're reviewing a piece of work, put the focus on yourself when commenting. "This paragraph confuses me because of x". Instead of "You've written a confusing paragraph". With this we can reinforce the separation of the person and the work, we are here to tackle the work not each other.

Provide Solutions

You should probably work out ways that can help someone improve before asking them to work at it. Discuss and provide these as action items, additionally be clear and ensuring they understand the feedback. You don't want them to spend time addressing the wrong problem.

The person receiving the feedback might already be aware that they're not great in a certain area, the only new information they're coming away with from this interaction is that you're now also aware they're not great.

They could feel frustrated because they've been making attempts at improving which hasn't seem to work. If you provide them potential actions or solutions you show them that they're not alone and you care about getting them through these challenges.

The opposite can also be true, telling someone they need to improve on something can feel like you're pushing their boat out without paddles and it can appear like you're trying to sabotage them, or just out to hurt their feelings.

Don't Provide Solutions

Sometimes people don't need you to provide solutions. Often they're just looking for reassurance. They could be trying to improve their confidence in a solution they've worked out.

Providing answers in these situations can make things tougher for the person trying to get feedback, instead we should ask questions. Questions provide you with further context of their issue and provides them with a different frame of reference. Simple questions can spark ideas in their mind and you offer a fresh perspective.

It's unlikely you're going to give them any better solution from the 10mins of context during the start of the conversation, considering they've been mulling over the issue for a much longer period and you might not be the first one they've come to for help.

Their solution might be good enough, throwing them a new solution might just lead them into decision paralysis.

Obviously if they ask "how would you do this" then give your answer.

Metaphors

If you're going to use a metaphor make sure they make sense.

Metaphors should follow the explanation and should be used for emphasis, they shouldn't replace the feedback.

Make it a Habit

Positive feedback with no buts, if you only compliment someone when you're trying to soften a blow eventually the other person is going to catch-on and the positive notes become flavour text.

Provide feedback when you have it. Gathering a list of things over a long period in order to unload on someone during a feedback session can make those sessions feel like a grilling. There's no warming up to those days and the receiver is probably not looking forward to it.¹ Alternatively if your goal is to create a toxic work environment this is how you can do it.

It's often not effective to address situations from a month ago and hitting them with accumulated criticism can make it tougher for them to know what the important thing is for them to focus on.

If you have to have feedback sessions, make sure that one session is focused on either them or you. Doing everything in the same session can cause it to spiral into tit-for-tat. Make sure feedback is provided one-to-one, getting feedback from two people at the same time feels like an ambush.²

Feedback shouldn't come as a surprise and should be provided on an ongoing basis.

Take Feedback Better

If we grow and learn from feedback, don't make it tougher for others to give it to you. Shutting yourself off from a tap of feedback is going to cause you to stagnate.

Sometimes feedback can be hard to give and you should acknowledge that when receiving it. We can all accumulate blind spots of behaviour, having these pointed out can feel embarrassing, but would you rather someone let you know about it or would you want to go the whole day not knowing you're making a bigger fool of yourself.

Avoid jumping to the defensive or starting an argument. Sometimes addressing the feedback is easier than the work of fighting it, so just do it, resolve the comment. If you're "being too combative" and arguing even about the smallest of things, eventually others might actively work to avoid your reviews and opinions.³

You can build social capital and appear more reliable just by agreeing. My sister does this to her own detriment. She'll re-watch an entire 8 hour series pretending she hasn't seen it already just to spend time with others. Being up for things and avoiding friction is bound to make it easier for others to get along with you.

Say no when it matters.

Blanket Feedback

Giving good valuable feedback is tough, if you're actively looking for feedback you're not helping yourself by asking for any feedback they might have. It can be more helpful to get specific; focus in on what you're aiming to achieve and improve on.

One of the easiest ways of gaining feedback is to ask others how they try improve certain areas of their work or their life, it doesn't have to always be about you and what you are doing or not doing.

Don't Forget Feedback

If you've found yourself in a situation where you've received critical feedback. (Like a PIP or you've said something you shouldn't have). Don't let others remind you of it.

You need to make it a point that you've not forgotten, it's even better if you put in active steps to improve or build a visual habit that can reassure others that they don't have to worry, you won't forget.

It's important to show that you take their advise seriously.

Be Genuine

Give feedback about things that really matter, smaller none impactful things should be ignored. Avoid nitpicking.

If you don't have feedback don't make it up, generic feedback and nitpicks aren't helpful. The person on the other end of the feedback might take every word you say as gospel⁴ and they'll put in an active effort to address your concerns.

Generic feedback can be confusing and some people will go to the earth's ends to address a nitpick when you never intended for them to put that amount of effort into the change.

Be genuine, get personable.